Return
by DawnIsMe
Summary: It's been five years since Van sent Hitomi back to the mystic moon. But he has known all along that she would return. So when he hears her cry of terror and despair he wonders if perhaps it is too late. Set after original storyline.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Van Fanel strode down the shadowed corridors of his palace in Fanelia, encountering no one. He walked though his private apartments, toward the recreated gardens that had been so beloved by his dead mother.

Besides, it was already two hours past moonrise. Everyone knew not to disturb him.

Van silently let himself out through a side door, not even wanting to encounter the largely ceremonial guards that dotted the castle and its grounds. He was in no mood for any sort of conversation.

His mind was already focused on the Mystic Moon, on Hitomi.

It had been five years since he had returned her to her home, her promise never to forget him ringing in his ears. As much as he loved her, he could not have kept her on Gaia then. They had both been children and Hitomi had clearly not been ready to leave her home and family. And Van, who had lost his family so long ago, had understood.

As much has he _thought_ he loved her, he acknowledged silently. He had been a child then, too, and there was much about loving that he knew nothing about back then. He was a man now and he had learned a great deal in these years, while he waited.

Yes, he was waiting. Everyone knew it, although no one mentioned it. Everyone was nervous about it, too. Van Fanel had to marry and sire an heir, but he had shown no interest in the ladies paraded before him by the hopeful and ambitious dams. He was gentle and he was polite and he was always quite serious, but he remained quite distant.

Van was waiting. He had never doubted that Hitomi would return.

For five years, he had been repeating the ritual he planned to perform tonight. He would walk the garden paths until he came to _the_ place, his special place. He could not have said what it was about that spot, except that it was surrounded by thick, high hedges and flowering trees so that it gave him both privacy and an unimpeded view of the night sky. It was more than that, though. Somehow, Van could always feel her there, as soon as he entered that little clearing. He didn't even have to work at it.

He did not reach out to her as often these days as he used to when she had first left him. The young king had first to supervise the rebuilding of Fanalia after the Zeibach War, and ensure that all his subjects were cared for. That had been a joyful chore for him but it had been exhausting, as well, particularly because he'd had no one he could turn to who could share his burden. He had reached out to Hitomi as often as his terrible fatigue allowed.

He had thought he would be able to "see" her more often after that but, somehow, as the press of day-to-day responsibilities claimed his time and attention, he instead reached out to her less and less. Even so, he had watched her as she had grown into womanhood, had suffered through her education in the mysteries of the flesh, had been forced to remain mute and helpless as she had grown increasingly lonely and despondent. And wondered why she still did not come back.

His throat closed and his eyes stung when he thought about that again. His heart yearned for her, even as his body ached for her. Why _hadn't_ she come back?

But no, Van decided, he would not think of that now. He sat on the stone bench in the center of a slight rise, surrounded by the night-darkened foliage and bathed in moonlight. Clearing his mind, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Slowly, the pendant around his neck began to glow.

There was no way he could have been prepared for the violent cascade of emotions that overwhelmed him as soon as he felt himself to be in contact with Hitomi. Burning, searing pain gouged a primal fear into his gut. This was more than the usual sadness he had been feeling from her for a long time. No, this was naked, raw terror, a wound so intense that it had to be physical.

And yet, this time he could not "see" her! _What the hell could be happening?_

Even more alarming, as suddenly as he had reached her, the sense of her presence in his mind began to fade. As hard as he tried to hold onto her, she was slipping away from him.

Then he heard it. A wail full of terrible longing and despair. _"Van!"_

Van was on his feet, unaware of the tears streaming down his face. **_"Hitomi!"_**

CHAPTER ONE

Van Fanel strode down the shadowed corridors of his palace in Fanelia, encountering no one. He walked though his private apartments, toward the recreated gardens that had been so beloved by his dead mother.

Besides, it was already two hours past moonrise. Everyone knew not to disturb him.

Van silently let himself out through a side door, not even wanting to encounter the largely ceremonial guards that dotted the castle and its grounds. He was in no mood for any sort of conversation.

His mind was already focused on the Mystic Moon, on Hitomi.

It had been five years since he had returned her to her home, her promise never to forget him ringing in his ears. As much as he loved her, he could not have kept her on Gaia then. They had both been children and Hitomi had clearly not been ready to leave her home and family. And Van, who had lost his family so long ago, had understood.

As much has he _thought_ he loved her, he acknowledged silently. He had been a child then, too, and there was much about loving that he knew nothing about back then. He was a man now and he had learned a great deal in these years, while he waited.

Yes, he was waiting. Everyone knew it, although no one mentioned it. Everyone was nervous about it, too. Van Fanel had to marry and sire an heir, but he had shown no interest in the ladies paraded before him by the hopeful and ambitious dams. He was gentle and he was polite and he was always quite serious, but he remained quite distant.

Van was waiting. He had never doubted that Hitomi would return.

For five years, he had been repeating the ritual he planned to perform tonight. He would walk the garden paths until he came to _the_ place, his special place. He could not have said what it was about that spot, except that it was surrounded by thick, high hedges and flowering trees so that it gave him both privacy and an unimpeded view of the night sky. It was more than that, though. Somehow, Van could always feel her there, as soon as he entered that little clearing. He didn't even have to work at it.

He did not reach out to her as often these days as he used to when she had first left him. The young king had first to supervise the rebuilding of Fanalia after the Zeibach War, and ensure that all his subjects were cared for. That had been a joyful chore for him but it had been exhausting, as well, particularly because he'd had no one he could turn to who could share his burden. He had reached out to Hitomi as often as his terrible fatigue allowed.

He had thought he would be able to "see" her more often after that but, somehow, as the press of day-to-day responsibilities claimed his time and attention, he instead reached out to her less and less. Even so, he had watched her as she had grown into womanhood, had suffered through her education in the mysteries of the flesh, had been forced to remain mute and helpless as she had grown increasingly lonely and despondent. And wondered why she still did not come back.

His throat closed and his eyes stung when he thought about that again. His heart yearned for her, even as his body ached for her. Why _hadn't_ she come back?

But no, Van decided, he would not think of that now. He sat on the stone bench in the center of a slight rise, surrounded by the night-darkened foliage and bathed in moonlight. Clearing his mind, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Slowly, the pendant around his neck began to glow.

There was no way he could have been prepared for the violent cascade of emotions that overwhelmed him as soon as he felt himself to be in contact with Hitomi. Burning, searing pain gouged a primal fear into his gut. This was more than the usual sadness he had been feeling from her for a long time. No, this was naked, raw terror, a wound so intense that it had to be physical.

And yet, this time he could not "see" her! _What the hell could be happening?_

Even more alarming, as suddenly as he had reached her, the sense of her presence in his mind began to fade. As hard as he tried to hold onto her, she was slipping away from him.

Then he heard it. A wail full of terrible longing and despair. _"Van!"_

Van was on his feet, unaware of the tears streaming down his face. **_"Hitomi!"_**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Hitomi Kanzaki came back to herself suddenly, although her heart was pounding and tears started in her eyes. She felt like she had just awakened from a terrible nightmare and that was what it had been.

The last thing she remembered was that she had been lying in the alley they had dragged her into, chilled to the marrow of her bones even though she could feel the warmth of the growing pool of her own blood that surrounded her. She didn't know who they were or why they had attacked her; she'd been running, so she was wearing sweats and she'd carried identification but no money. They hadn't even raped her.

She had wasted very little time thinking about that, because she could feel herself dying and she'd been frightened. She was only twenty years old, there was so much that she still had to do! She hadn't even been able to figure out how to get back to Gaia, to Van.

And that was her greatest sorrow, the one thought that chased every other from her fading mind. _I can't die without seeing him again!_ she thought in panic, her spirit yearning toward him with everything it had ever had. It was the last thought she could remember.

The last thought before she had ended up here, that is — wherever "here" was. Hitomi looked around with the vague feeling that she had seen this hillside somewhere before. She frowned.

It had been night when she had lost consciousness but now she stood, ankle-deep in gently waving grass warmed by the noon sun. Beside her was a stone building with a gabled roof and a wide, sliding wooden door, with a windmill built into its frame. She turned her back to it and cautiously looked around.

The hillside where she stood sloped away, offering a panoramic view of a harbor city shining in the bright sunlight. Hitomi blinked. _What_ was she seeing? "It couldn't be," she whispered.

But then she caught sight of the statue of the dragon guarding that glistening harbor, and she _knew_. Somehow, she had made it back to Gaia.

She turned again to the building beside her. Yes, this _was_ the barn where Van once stored the Escaflowne, where he had first suggested, awkwardly, that she stay with him "from now on." Hitomi smiled tenderly at the memory. "What a little fool I was!" she said to herself. "What fools we both were."

And then she threw back her head and laughed. _If anybody is watching me from the bushes right now, they'll think I'm crazy,_ _standing here laughing at nothing, _she thought. But, of course, that didn't matter in the least. After all those years of wishing and wishing as hard as she could, all those years of feeling empty and miserable, just when she had thought she'd lost her last chance to return to Van's side — here she was!

Well, not really. She was in Asturia and she needed to get to Fanalia. Still smiling, she started down the hill toward Palas. _Milerna will help me._

By the time she had reached the palace, Hitomi was heartily wishing she _had_ arrived in the darkness of night. Maybe, she thought, if it were dark outside, she wouldn't be attracting so much attention. She'd forgotten that her sweats were a pretty far cry from the outfits normally worn by women on the streets of Asturia. Or maybe it wasn't that she'd forgotten; she'd always been with Van or Alan, and their presence shielded her from curious stares.

But more curious stares awaited her from the retainer who opened the palace door in response to a bold and forceful pull on the bell rope she found there. "Yes?" the elderly woman enquired dauntingly.

Hitomi was suddenly struck by a hideous thought. _What if they don't remember me?_ "Hello, I'd like to see Princess Milerna please," she said with as much confidence as she could muster.

"Perhaps you mean _Queen_ Milerna?" the retainer asked in even more repressive accents, her whole manner implying that anyone who didn't even know that much had no business asking to see Her Majesty.

The woman's disapproval was lost on Hitomi for a moment, however. She was smiling to herself at the news. "So she's _Queen_ Milerna now, is she?" Hitomi muttered before raising her eyes to fix the woman with a determined stare. "Yes, that's right. Please tell her that Hitomi Kanzaki is here to see her."

It looked as if her confidence was having the desired effect."If you will follow ... ," the woman reluctantly began, only to be interrupted.

"Did I hear somebody say 'Hitomi Kanzaki'?" asked a familiar and very welcome voice. "_Hitomi? _Is that really you?" and the door swung open even wider.

"Gaddes!" Hitomi breathed, almost giddy with relief. "Am I ever glad to see you!"

"Well, everybody's gonna be glad to see you, little miss," said the first officer of the _Crusade_, ushering her into the palace and wholly ignoring the retainer silently holding the door. "I can't believe it's you after all this time!"

Something in her stilled. "I guess everybody thought I was gone for good, huh?" she muttered, thinking of Van.

"Huh? Well, yeah, I guess we did," Gaddes replied as if he had only just had the thought. "But never mind that now."

He was hurrying her along, heading toward what Hitomi recalled was the direction of the throne room, and she was suddenly nervous. Everything had changed and she suddenly felt foolish for expecting anything else. Of course everything had changed! She'd been gone for five years. Long enough to fall out of love and long enough to fall back in.

Gaddes stopped and opened a door and Hitomi swallowed tears and followed him. What was he saying?

" ... who I found at the door, your Majesty," he was saying and Hitomi thought, _Pull yourself together, Hitomi!_

Gaddes was drawing her further into the room and she lifted a shy glance toward the three people seated at the other end of the room. A very pregnant Queen Milerna sat beside her husband on the pair of thrones before her. _I suppose he must be King Dryden then,_ Hitomi told herself, smiling faintly at the thought.

And, seated at the Queen's right hand where she might have expected to find him, was Alan Shazar. Nobody spoke.

Hitomi was beginning to find the silence oppressive and she was unconsciously wringing her hands when Alan suddenly surged to his feet, his face gradually assuming an expression of astonished delight. _"Hitomi!"_ And he so far forgot himself as to dash across the room, pick her up as if she were a feather, and swing her around, laughing the whole time.

Hitomi was laughing, too, once again aware of feeling relief. If Alan was this glad to see her, then maybe Van hadn't forgotten her either. "Come on, Alan, put me down!" she begged. "You're going to make me dizzy!"

That made them all laugh and Milerna pulled herself into a standing position. "Hitomi," she said fondly, crossing the room with a stately waddle and holding out both hands to her guest.

Hitomi took those hands without a second thought. "Milerna ... no, I guess I'm supposed to call you 'Your Majesty,' aren't I?" she caught herself.

"Don't you dare!" Milerna laughed at her, reaching forward to plant a kiss on her cheek. "Oh, it's so wonderful to see you again!"

"What are you doing in Asturia?" Alan asked her then. "When did you get here? I didn't hear any reports of that pillar of light ... "

She hadn't thought of that. "Well, I suppose this time I got here without the pillar of light," she murmured thoughtfully. Scenes that had already almost faded suddenly returned with force and her three companions watched her face turn pale.

Hitomi was remembering that she'd gone running in Shiba Park as she had done often since she'd begun studying at Keio University in Tokyo. She'd emerged from the trees to the streets, still running, on her way back to her dorm when the attack came. They'd covered her mouth and gripped her arms; Hitomi remembered being angry that she couldn't even fight.

And then the knives struck. Remembering them, she unconsciously hunched away from them as if those blows were raining down on her still.

Alan saw that her hands were trembling and her eyes held fear. "Hitomi? Are you alright?"

Milerna had seen the trembling hands and pale cheeks, too, but she had her own theory as to their cause. She cast a shrewd glance at her guest and asked, "Have you seen Van yet?"

Hitomi, still in the grip of her nightmarish memories, stared at her for a moment before she managed to return herself to the present. "No!" she said, her voice louder than she'd intended. She took a steadying breath. "No," she said again. "That's why I'm here." She gave her hostess an imploring look and continued. "I need to get to Fanalia, Milerna. Can you help me?"

Milerna smiled broadly, delighted at the prospected of an effortless bit of matchmaking. She had noticed the faraway look that sometimes haunted the eyes of her friend and peer, Van of Fanalia, and she had long since guessed the reason for it. Unlike Van, it had never crossed her mind that Hitomi might one day make her way back to Gaia but, knowing just how much Van had missed her these five years, Milerna was ready to do whatever was necessary to bring the two back together, even if it meant carrying Hitomi to Fanalia on her own back.

Fortunately, the young queen had the resources at her disposal so that such a sacrifice wasn't necessary — which was just as well, because Dryden would never have let her do such a thing in her current condition. "Alan!" she said, turning to fix glowing eyes on her knight.

Both Alan and Dryden chuckled. "Well then, let's go, Hitomi," Alan said instantly.

"Oh, don't be so silly!" Milerna said, suddenly very brisk. "Of course she can't go like _that_." She grasped Hitomi's hand once again. "Are you hungry? We'll have something to eat and then we'll take you to your rooms and see about getting you something _decent_ to wear." And she smiled into Hitomi's eyes.

Hitomi smiled back, sharing a moment of perfect feminine understanding. Her "Thank you!" was genuine and heartfelt.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Van had moved through a hellish three days like an automaton, going through the motions of performing his duties so apathetically that everyone around him grew gently depressed and wondered what ailed the young king.

It was as well that no one asked him, because he would have had some trouble explaining the terrible certainty in his heart that he had listened to Hitomi die that night. And yet, he was equally certain that he could still sense her presence somehow. He didn't understand it, he didn't even really try. The fact that he could still feel her was the only thing that kept him going.

"Lord Van," said Merle, appearing suddenly at his side as she so often did. "The _Crusade_ just arrived. Alan and his crew are on their way to the palace."

Van smiled sadly. They must have been very worried about him if they'd sent for Merle.

She had long since outgrown her girlhood crush on her king and had mated with a comely young cat-man two years ago. She'd already given birth to her first litter and, preoccupied with her new life, her visits to the palace had grown less and less frequent. But whenever Van was in trouble somehow, the retainers in the palace would hurry to tell Merle.

The first time Van had gone through a difficult patch without his old friend, nobody had thought to fetch her. When she found out about it, she gave them to understand that they were not to keep these things from her. No one knew exactly what she had said but, whatever it was, it was effective.

"Merle, will you meet them at the palace gates and bring them to me in the West Room?" he asked her. He wasn't really in the mood to entertain guests but he could talk to Alan about what he had seen and heard. He didn't stop to consider the fact that Alan would also probably tell him that the incident was a good reason to put Hitomi out of his mind and get on with his life. For the moment, Van just wanted to talk to someone who would understand.

Alan would understand. He had loved Hitomi once, too.

The West Room was a long room, more like a gallery than a salon, and it was not usual to formally receive guests there because the west wing of the palace housed the King's private quarters. At the same time, it was furnished in a style that was as close to his formal audience chamber as any in the building but with a lighter, airy feel. Chandeliers hung from the high ceilings, elegant draperies adorned eight-foot windows that offered an attractive view of his mother's gardens. The golden oak of the flooring was almost entirely covered by a very wide runner, dyed red with gold borders, which climbed five shallow stairs at one end of the room to a raised dais.

Van made his way to the dais and sat on the edge of the divan it held, waiting. He did not have to wait long. The doors at the other end of the room opened to admit Alan Shazar, accompanied by Her Majesty of Asturia, Milerna. Merle, watching him, saw his face blossom with the first real smile he had worn in three days.

"Now, if I had known this was an official state visit, I would have greeted you more formally," Van said, smiling as he got to his feet. He continued to smile as he watched them make their way toward him and then, tired of even this much formality, he started forward to meet them halfway up to the dais.

"Joyously, we greet our brother monarch Fanelia," Milerna voiced the formula greeting with a sparkle of mischief in her blue eyes and held out a hand.

Van took that hand in his and bowed over it, an answering mischief in his own dark eyes. Milerna really hadn't changed very much at all over the years. "As joyously do we greet our sister monarch Asturia," he said. Then he straightened and, still smiling, pointedly dropped the formality as he escorted them up the stairs. "How are you, Milerna? And you, Alan? It's been awhile."

Alan was smiling his gentle smile, amused by his queen's antics. "I'm as well as ever, Van."

"And your sister?" Van asked politely, his gaze sharpening.

"She is in excellent health and spirits," Alan replied, a trifle distant as he always was when the talk turned to Celena.

It was clear to Van by now that his guests had come calling for some specific reason and their anticipation lay heavily in the air. He considered and discarded several options and decided in favor of a direct approach.

"So," he asked as he handed Milerna onto a seat, "to what do I owe this honor? Good news, if I'm to judge by your smiles."

They both smiled anew at the question. "Very good news," Alan confirmed, exchanging a glance with his queen.

She took up the cue. "We have brought you a visitor, Van," Milerna told him, eyes positively shining, and then looked significantly back the way they had come.

Van followed her gaze without thinking and, suddenly, his breath left him in one great swooping sigh. Everything and everyone around him seemed to fall away, and all he could hear was the thundering beat of his own heart.

She stood at the foot of the wide, shallow stairs with Merle beside her, supportively, as if his longtime friend thought she was perhaps unsure of her welcome. She was dressed in a way he had rarely seen her, as the fashionable women in Palas did. Her dress was blue, with frilly puffed sleeves tightly fitted at the forearms. The bodice was closely fitted as well, leaving no doubt at all that the wearer was very much a woman. Her hair was darker than he remembered, too, and it hung down her back instead of being cut short as it had been back then.

His lungs began to protest and he gulped in a breath. He couldn't speak. He couldn't think. He was almost afraid to move.

_Hitomi._

He wasn't even sure if he'd said that aloud, although Milerna later assured him that she'd heard him say it. And then he was moving, his body having no need of his conscious command. He wasn't entirely sure what he'd been about to do except that, once he stood within two feet of her, he came to an abrupt halt as he remembered that they were not alone.

Never taking his eyes from Hitomi's face, he said, "Would you excuse us, Milerna? Merle will have someone show you — all of you — to your rooms."

From very, very far away, he heard her reply, "Of course, Van."

Van still hadn't managed to put together a coherent thought as he continued to drink in the details of her face. Slowly, he became aware of a welter of confused emotion in his heart: relief that she was alright, disbelief that she was really here, gladness that she had returned, resentment that her return has been so long delayed and, of course, the love he had kept alight in his heart for all these years. There was so much to feel and so much to say that all he knew, then and there, was that he could not touch her. Not yet.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

For a few moments, neither of them spoke. Hitomi, hungrily watching his face, thought his eyes wore the strangest expression as they roved over her features, as if he were looking at a dear memory. Finally, he said, "Come."

And he turned away from her and led the way through a door that one of the guards opened into an extensive garden.

Hitomi was getting nervous. When he had first turned to see her, she had thought the expression on his face was surely proof positive that he still loved her. But, once they were alone, he had made no attempt to touch her. Years ago, after they had realized how they felt about each other, he had not been a demonstrative boy. Neither had she. They had both been young enough to be less than comfortable with newly awakened passions.

But that was a long time ago. They were both much older and Hitomi knew that Van had grown in experience in the intervening years, as had she. Every nerve in her body yearned toward him; couldn't he have even touched her hand?

But there was no time for that now. Van was setting a brisk pace and Hitomi wasn't dressed for jogging. She had to scurry to keep up. "Van! Wait up!" she called, a little out of breath.

Abruptly, he stopped and looked back at her, bemused and slightly smiling. Tentatively, she smiled back at him. Again, they stared at each other for a long moment and Hitomi thought she saw a longing in his eyes that matched the longing in her heart. But, just as she thought he might reach for her, he turned away and, once more, said, "Come."

She followed him into a copse of trees surrounded by high hedges, making a dense screen of privacy from the surrounding palace. They walked on together until they reached a grassy knoll, where Van stopped and glanced at her for a moment before he climbed to the stone bench at its summit.

"Do you recognize it?" he asked without looking at her.

Her heart sank. Was he angry? She couldn't tell. He didn't really sound angry. Well, he didn't really sound as if he felt anything at all.

_Indifferent._ That was the word she was looking for. Her hands started to tremble and she clasped them together to hide their shaking. "No," she replied with a shake of her head.

He looked up into the sky toward Gaia's two moons. "This is where I would come when I wanted to reach you," he said quietly.

There didn't seem to be anything to say to that, so she waited.

His chest lifted in a long indrawn breath, which he released slowly as he turned to look at her gravely. "It's been a long time, Hitomi," he said.

She nodded. A knot of tears was beginning to gather in her throat and she did not trust herself to speak.

"Why have you come here?" he asked quietly.

The question surprised a gasp from her. If he had to ask, she thought, maybe that was all the answer she needed. She lowered her eyes as she felt the tears that had clogged her throat beginning to sting. Then, struggling to keep her voice steady, she answered him. "You asked me once, a long time ago, if I would stay with you … 'from now on.' Remember?"

"I remember," he said, still sounding very distant to her.

"We were both very silly back then, weren't we?" she mused with a faint and fleeting smile." She took another deep, steadying breath. "I came to ask you if that invitation was still good," she went on, bravely lifting her tearful gaze to his eyes.

"And if it isn't?"

Hitomi missed the teasing note in his voice. "If it isn't … ," she repeated slowly, almost mechanically. A tear escaped her control and rolled unnoticed down her suddenly pale cheek as she considered that question. The only reason she had not died that night in an alley in Tokyo was because of the strength of her love and longing for Van. What would she do if she found he no longer wanted her? What _could_ she do? What was left for her to do?

She had cheated death to be with Van. If she couldn't be with Van, then … death still awaited her, she supposed. "I-I don't know," she answered him finally, feeling terribly cold. "I hadn't thought about it."

That was when Hitomi began to feel _really_ peculiar, almost like she was fading away …


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

If Hitomi had been less in the grip of her own fears, she would have been able to see the faint smile with which Van had asked that last question. He hadn't meant to frighten her but, after all she had put him through, he couldn't resist the temptation to tease her just a little. Of course he knew just why she had come and there was no question about whether his invitation (as she chose to put it) was still open to her. The very thought of having her by his side for the rest of his life made him want to throw his head back and laugh in delight. It was hard work to keep his exhilaration off his face.

He was working so hared at controlling his expression that, just as she had not noticed his teasing smile, he did not notice how near to tears she was. In truth, they were both still very young. Even if he had noticed it, he probably would not have appreciated the significance of her distress. Van didn't remember much about what happened to him after he defeated Lord Dilandau's squadron of "Dragon Slayers." He would not have guessed how close to giving up Hitomi was at that instant.

"You hadn't thought about it?" he echoed. "Three years is a long time, Hitomi. What would you have done if you'd come back and found me already married? You didn't think about that?"

Slowly, her eyes very far away now, she shook her head.

"You seem to have taken a great deal for granted," he went on, wondering how long he was going to be able to keep this up when all he wanted to do was drag her into his arms, kiss her senseless and drag her off to the royal bedchamber.

It was no good. He started to chuckle, unable to contain himself another minute. "Hitomi," he began, a wealth of gentle affection in his voice as he closed the distance between them. When he reached her, he took her hands and tried to catch her eye and that was when he finally realized how pale she was and how distant her eyes had become. "Hitomi?"

She was mumbling and he strained to hear what she was saying.

" … no, of course I understand. If I can't stay here … no, it's alright. A lot can happen in three years, I guess … if I have to … " And, even as he stood there trying to make sense of her words, she grew still more pale, more colorless. The rich tones of the dress she was wearing even began to bleed away.

"Hitomi?" Van was beginning to get worried. Somehow, his little foray into teasing her seemed to be heading in a direction he hadn't counted on.

" … If I have to, I'll go … " she muttered.

And suddenly, Van realized that he was beginning to be able to see right through her.

"No!" His heart thumped painfully against his ribs as fear gripped him "_Hitomi!_" he shouted, inches from her face, gently grasping her shoulders when it looked as if he might pass a hand right through her.

Her eyes turned in his direction but they were blank and lifeless.

The significance of her words began to dawn on him. He didn't know, _couldn't _know, the details but she had died on the Mystic Moon a few days ago. He had heard her voice, full of pain and despair, crying out for him with all the longing she had felt during the three years since they'd been together. Somehow, the power of her wishes had forestalled her death and brought her back to him – because, Van was beginning to realize, she wanted to be with him _that_ badly. She loved him _that _much.

But, as she had said, a lot could happen in three years. His teasing had convinced her that he had lost interest in her and, without that, she had no reason not to go ahead and die. By his own hand, Van saw, she was in terrible danger. He had to do something!

Van experienced a moment of stark panic. For a moment, he was aware of nothing except the coldness radiating from Hitomi and the anxious pounding of his own heart. _What should he do? What could he do?_

Finally, instinct seemed to take over. He had no recollection of making the decision to reach of the pendant he wore around his neck, the pendant she gave him before he returned her to the Mystic Moon. He noticed as he grasped it that it, too, throbbed with the rhythm of his fearful heartbeat.

She had grown still more pale and ghost-like, as if she really was fading away. He was running out of time. Carefully, he took her cold little hand and put the pendant into it, holding her fingers closed with both his own hands. He hadn't noticed that he was trembling.

Van closed his eyes. He didn't know where she was going but he was going to follow her. He was going to bring her back.

_I almost lost her once,_ he thought, ferocious in the silence of his mind. _I will __**not**__ lose her again. _


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

There was no sense of arriving, of coming to himself, or even of opening his eyes. All at once, Van found himself running alone in a misty nothingness that tickled his memory. He knew that he had to find her and that he didn't have much time.

"Hitomi!" he called as loudly as he could.

As soon has he said her name, he saw her. She was alone and her appearance gave him hope. She had not yet caught up with the others, the misty figures he could see in the distance whose spirits were all making their final journey. She still had a little, faint color left to her that stood out effortlessly in this colorless place. "Hitomi, wait!" he called again, unable to keep the relief out of his voice.

But she kept walking, her gait as slow and shambling as the walking dead.

The scene had a dreamlike quality to it, including the fact that he seemed to be running as hard and as fast as he could but it seemed he was barely moving. He was catching up to her but, at the rate he was going, would he reach her in time? Fear gripped him as he ran.

"Hitomi, no! Don't leave me! Not again … "

Those words almost embarrassed him, seeming as they did to come from the heart of a much younger Van, a boy who had lost everyone he had cared about: his father, his brother, his mother, his mentor. It was very rare that he even acknowledged the crushing loneliness he had lived with almost for as long as he could remember. He had found temporary comrades when he had embarked on the adventure that began with the destruction of Fanalia but companionship had eluded him. Eventually, even Merle had left him to launch a life of her own.

The words could not be unsaid. Van could only hope his whining would not disgust her. Instead, that heartfelt cry seemed to reach her and she stopped walking.

He slowed down to a walk, drawing nearer but sensing that he could not approach her too closely. Not yet. "Don't go," he implored.

"I have to go," she told him, her voice and her eyes conveying the impression that she was already gone.

Her answer wounded him. "Why?" he shouted painfully.

"I can't stay if nobody wants me. It's not allowed … ," she explained patiently.

"I want you!"

"But … ." She was shaking her head.

"I do! Hitomi," and Van circled around until he was beside her. Somehow, he could not seem to position himself between her and those others who had faded into the distance. "Hitomi, look at me."

Physical movement seemed to be difficult but she slowly began to shuffle around in his direction. He was visited with a sudden vision of her, five years ago, wearing her school girl uniform and holding her grandmother's pendant aloft. He had noticed then that, whenever she evoked that strange power she'd possessed "to see the unseen and to know the past and the future," she always took her time. It had never seemed to matter what was happening around her, she would not allow herself to be rushed. He had sometimes thought that might have been the secret of her success. On the few times he had tried it himself, he had only be able to wield that same power when he had given himself that same permission to take as long as it takes.

This was at least as important as any of those situations had been. He _could_ not fail. He would not rush her.

The two of them seemed to be quite alone now and the farther away from her _they_ got, the more the healthy color seemed to come back to her. It seemed to take an eternity but she was finally facing him. He could see that she seemed confused but he could also see that she was still distant and lifeless.

"Look at me, Hitomi," he said again. "See for yourself whether or not I want you to stay."

"No, I – I can't … I … no!" she was slowly shaking her head, her eyes downcast.

"Yes, you can," he insisted gently.

Hitomi was still shaking her head. "No!" her voice grew stronger and her substance seemed to grow more solid. "I can't. You ... you don't care. I know. _I know!_ I already saw it."

"What? But I was only … "

"I already saw it," she continued tenaciously as if he had not spoken. "I don't want to look again." Her voice dwindled to a pained whimper. "I don't want to see it again. It … it hurts."

At that moment, Van had to resist a strong urge to shake her. He recognized that his frustration was born of fear and he managed to control himself. "Don't care? Hitomi, I … ," and suddenly he realized what he was about to say. Would it be enough? Was it even possible to pour everything he had carried in his heart for five years into three little words? Once they had been able to share each other's feelings, they'd been bound to each other that closely. He knew the pendant had been key to that sharing back then; perhaps that was why he'd instinctively put it into her hand. And then he realized something else. If he didn't want her to feel his fear instead of his love, he'd better pull himself together and refocus his thoughts.

He took a deep breath and let _Hitomi_ fill his being as if he had breathed her in. He let go of every barrier he'd erected between these most tender emotions and the people in his day to day world. Deliberately, he let himself feel everything he felt. He did not need to protect himself now.

"Hitomi, I … I love you."

He wanted very badly to touch her hair, her face, to pull her into his arms. Once again, he reminded himself not to rush. When he had brought her back, they would have all the time in the world.

"Don't go," he whispered, still in that vulnerable place in his heart that had housed her since she had been gone. _Can she feel it? Am I reaching her?_

Maybe he was. She had turned her face toward him and, although her glance was still unfocused, her eyes still held the yearning that had brought her back to Gaia. "Don't leave me, Hitomi," he breathed into the few feet that now separated them, emotion trying to close his throat once more. "Not again."

Suddenly, she gave a gasping hiccup and her eyes, awash with tears, finally focused on his. "Van," she said on a quavering thread of sound, as her image before him faded in and out, growing strong one minute and fading away until she was almost gone in the next. But then a solitary tear stole down her cheek and hope, so far held sternly in check, exploded in his chest.

"Hitomi! Come back with me!" he pleaded around his raw throat. "Please!"

She said nothing now, just stared silently into his eyes. He wished he knew what she was looking for. Slowly, he held out a hand that he hadn't noticed was visibly trembling. _Please, don't go,_ he begged in his heart. "Hitomi … come," he said.

How long they stood like that, she staring up into his face and he reaching out for her, he could not have said. It probably was not as long as it seemed to him but time had no real meaning in that place. Van knew that all he could do was to wait and to reach out to her with everything he had for her in his heart. He could only hope it would be enough.

"You're sure?" she asked finally. "Van, if you're not … if you … I don't think I could turn back from here a second time if you change your mind again."

He was shaking his head long before she was finished speaking, unable for the moment to put everything in his heart into words. It was as if his feelings were a tsunami held in check only by his will. As soon as he relaxed that will, he was overwhelmed. He could not think. He could barely speak. At that moment, he could only feel.

And then, two things happened almost simultaneously. Hitomi slowly reached out and, almost timidly, she put her hand into the hand he still held out to her. And, as soon as his fingers closed around hers, he could feel her again. She was still very unsure of him and he sensed now that his teasing had hurt her badly. But she was _there_! As he drew her unresistingly toward him, the gray mist around them seemed to melt away and they were back in his mother's garden.

Van pulled her toward him, until he could fold her into his arms. He buried his face in her hair and, eyes closed, inhaled the scent of her. He wanted to cry with relief but instead he simply held her. He had come so close to losing her so many times over the last few days that, in that moment, he never, ever wanted to let her go.

"Hitomi," he breathed into her hair. He had come home.


End file.
